Sex Education for Mentally Challenged People (no, not you, ... them, the Americans)

So, our cousin Reborn Flapperjack was doing what he does best...exploring abandoned traditions all over the world. As he stepped into an oddly-shaped library, he tripped over a mold-incrusted reel of celluloid.  In it, a film.  Even better....a sex-ed film.  Enticed by the prospect of some stag evening with beers, pretzels and hot naked ladies, he brought us the film.  We got our super-8 and sat in one of our living rooms: Reborn, Casper, Jenelope, and Trixie -- all expecting some good dirty fun.

Much to our chagrin, what we saw was one of the most disturbing pieces of Americana: sexual education for mentally challenged children...episode 62: The Three Holes.  Trixie went comatose right in the first minute.  Jenelope is still shaking after all this time.  As for Reborn, he is still in church atoning for the sin of having brought this to light.  Flapperjack friends, please be warned...whatever you learn here, is WRONG.  DO....NOT....TAKE....THIS...TO ... HEART.

The Flapperjacks feel so sorry for Niki Sedaghat that they've decided to adopt her.

Dear Niki Sedaghat Flapperjack:

We have already completed the bureaucracy necessary to adopt you officially.  You will now belong to the N-45 branch of the family with newcomers Norma, Elsenworth, and Mukyra.  We would like to reassure you that you will not be given back to those people who lied to you saying that you had an angelic voice and a face to match (the flapperjacks still wonder about that one...match what? the drapes in the living room? the ghastly t-shirt your drunkard father was wearing? your mother's earrings?).  We promise you we will never expose you to the ridicule of wearing a Jingle Bells cap or make you 'sing' a song from a long-dead musical.  We will love you for what you are instead of exposing you to hundreds of thousands of cruel media addicts or youtubers.  We promise we will feed you and love you and let you play with ponies.  You are now protected from all the horrors of your parents' frustrated childhoods.  We will come for your sisters  and brothers later.  Welcome to the family, Niki.

Learn, ladies, learn --- penis power and vagina power

A lot of women are hooked on clitoral stimulation....
If you want to earn your man, you have to learn your man...
They know how to soothe the vagina...
They don't give their penis to everybody...
When a man is in a predator mode... a woman that's lonely, that her vagina is cold...
Some women can have more than one Gspot...
Jackrabbit?


And then you open your eyes and you see the harridans that are speaking --> you never again have sex.

The Story of Srebrenica (or, the most effective punishment ever invented for naughty kids)

Casper says:  " There is so much wrong here, I don't even know where to start.  Maybe I should point out how coarse and poorly done the animation is, but that'd be obvious.  Or I could slash the narrative to shreds, but then again another obvious piece of comment would be produced.  Perhaps I could thrash the sheer weirdness of it all but it would all be to no avail.  I think I'd better tear my eyes out and cry the blood out of me."

Jenelope says: " It's so dull, i felt like killing myself while watching it."